I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
