I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
