she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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