the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
