Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
