I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
