i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
