Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
