the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
