How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
