RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
