who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
