Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
