What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
