My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
