he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
