Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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