it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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