So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
