Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
