what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize