The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
