wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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