i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
