i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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