we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
