Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
