Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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