The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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