office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
whose parrot is this?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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