I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
