We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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