Your face is a jimmy john
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When are your genitals available?
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