i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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