you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
