Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
