I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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