I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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