just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
