Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
