That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
