Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
