we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
