you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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