there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
