I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
