I should be sponsored by Trojan
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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