Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
