just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
