New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
