ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
