I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
