The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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