dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
