Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
