if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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