I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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