Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
