is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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