Kiss
Puke
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
