The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
