My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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