Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
