i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
